Have you ever pined for a lost love so much you felt ill? You need to know what it means to be lovesick to understand the signs of lovesickness.
What does it mean to be lovesick? Are these lovesick signs easy to read? Can you tell for sure?
Have you ever been in love with someone who does not love you back? Or, have you loved and lost? Sometimes, as simple as a failed or a secret romance may seem, it could be devastating for the person experiencing it. At that point, lovesickness signs could creep in.
We tend to play down the pain of a broken heart, but in reality, being lovesick or seeing its subtle signs is a serious deal.
When you feel so emotionally shattered by the loss of someone you love or unrequited love, it can cause physical symptoms to manifest. After all, it is possible to die of a broken heart, albeit rarely.
That’s just how much love and loss affect us. It’s not something to play down.
If anything, it’s something to focus on. You might have heard about lovesickness and not really understood it. You might wonder ‘what is lovesickness?’ Why does it happen? Well, we’re about to find out.
What is lovesickness?
Lovesickness is the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that we associate with a failed experience in love.
Almost all of us may have experienced being lovesick in various forms over the years. But for some people, it’s extremely hard to bounce back from lovesickness.
They carry the thoughts of a person in their mind for several years, and at times, even several decades. Some never really get over it at all.
A mild example would be having a crush on someone many years ago. Perhaps you still think fondly of them even today. Maybe you find yourself lost in thoughts about this crush of yours during a few lonely moments where you constantly ponder over the proverbial “what if..?”
That’s just a small taste of being lovesick and the subtle signs you may experience now and then.
But for many people, this is something they experience tirelessly. The thoughts of a failed relationship or a crush weigh on their minds all the time, and it distracts them from everything else in their life.
The hopelessness of loving someone who doesn’t love you back
If you can’t stop thinking about a particular romantic interest of yours, and you find yourself lost in their thoughts all the time, however hard you try to push the thoughts away, chances are, you’re suffering from lovesickness.
Lovesickness is a hopeless feeling. It isolates you from everyone else, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t find a way to get over it. After all, all you want is a special someone, and this someone is a person you can’t have for one reason or another. [Read: The real reason why you aren’t able to find happy love in your life]
With each passing day that you feel lovesick, you’d feel more stressed and more reckless, more annoyed by their ignorance and more elated each time they give you any attention.
And before you know it, you’re a confused mess who’s suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, and a feeling of dark hopelessness. For sure, it doesn’t always have to be that drastic, but it’s entirely possible.
Why do some people feel lovesick while others don’t?
Uncertainty is the biggest motivator of lovesickness. And that’s as simple as the answer gets!
If you fall in love with someone and ask them out, and they reject you outright in the very first conversation you have with them, you may feel lovesick for a few hours or a few days. But, you’ll get over it very soon.
However, if you fall in love with someone, hide your feelings for them, or get mixed signals back in return from them, that’s when you’ll start to experience a bigger and more serious form of lovesickness.
Unrequited love, mixed signals, and limerence make lovesickness a big threat to your happiness and your lifestyle. The reason why some people experience lovesickness and others don’t just come down to the actual experience you’re having.
Mixed signals will drive you to distraction
Lovesickness gets worse if your love interest rejects you for several weeks or months, and then tries to win your attention back again just as you try to get over them.
This is something you’re bound to experience when you’re in love with a selfish person who only cares about themselves. If nothing else, it shows them for the toxic individual they are.
Selfish people reject you when you woo them or try to get closer to them, and just as you give up and walk away, they’ll start giving you mixed signals again and try to get you to fall back in love with them. It’s almost as if they get some twisted kick out of it.
Lovesickness could seem trivial to a person who doesn’t understand what the lovesick person is going through. But at a certain point, lovesickness could even lead a person to reckless, suicidal thoughts. The helplessness a lovesick person feels could convince them that their life is meaningless without the affection of a special someone.
They feel lost and confused, and with the mixed signals they receive, they’d find it easier to just end their lives instead of enduring the pain and constant emotional turmoil of a confusing love affair.
What is the difference between heartbreak and lovesickness?
The two terms are often confused but there is a fine line between them that makes them different. When you’re heartbroken, it’s normally because of the actions of someone.
Your partner may have cheated on you or done something that resulted in the end of the relationship. Your partner may also have left you for a reason that is still unclear to you. Heartbreak is synonymous with loss.
On the other hand, lovesickness is about pining for someone. You don’t necessarily have to have been in a relationship with the person. Unrequited love and lovesickness signs work hand in hand with one another. However, you can pull yourself out of lovesickness, while heartbreak tends to be a process you need to work through.
Of course, it’s also possible to be heartbroken and lovesick at the same time, if you’re pining for the person you lost.
Ain’t love grand?
The 10 biggest lovesickness signs to watch out for
There’s a thin line between heartbreak and being lovesick. Take a look at these signs to find out if you’re lovesick, or on the verge of experiencing lovesickness. And if you do see these traits in yourself, speak with a friend and try to pull yourself out of the pit you’re digging for yourself.
1. Mood swings
You almost always feel depressed or hopeless, and believe you have no reason to live if you can’t have this person’s affection. It might not be that drastic for you, but hopelessness is one of the most common lovesick signs.
2. You isolate yourself
When you’re lovesick, you love isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Nothing interests you anymore, and all of a sudden, you start to feel like none of your friends understand you or what you’re going through. It’s more comfortable to be alone.
3. You feel tired all the time
The mental stress you endure constantly tires you easily, and you don’t have the energy to do anything you normally enjoy doing.
4. Your appetite exits the building
Even looking at food makes you queasy. You suffer from loss of appetite and weight loss.
5. You’re very easily distracted
When you’re lovesick, one of the signs is that you’re always distracted, and nothing you do ever feels like it’s to the best of your abilities. Your concentration has gone out of the window and focus is nowhere to be found.
6. You might struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
It’s likely that you find yourself constantly checking your email, social media posts, or your cell phone to see if you’ve received a new message from this person. You may know you aren’t going to get a message, but compulsively checking them becomes a part of your lifestyle.
You treasure this person’s memories and hold on to little things of no significance or value like a movie ticket or a strand of hair. You just can’t bear the thought of losing it or throwing it away because it means so much to you.
8. You overanalyze everything
When you’re lovesick, you spend several hours analyzing the things this person says or the particular words they use, and try to see things from different perspectives, even if it’s something as trivial as a wave or a hello.
9. You’re often tearful
You feel like crying for no reason at all. You feel depressed for the smallest of things and you’re oversensitive about everything in your life.
10. You struggle to sleep well
You have difficulty sleeping when you feel lovesick. Every time you lie down, your mind is filled with thoughts of your crush or your ex. You spend several hours tossing and turning in bed, no matter how hard you try to fall asleep.
The 10 best steps to stop feeling lovesick and move on with your life
Lovesickness hurts, and there is no escaping it until you make up your mind to move on with your life, or confront the issue. Here are 10 things you can do to stop feeling lovesick, or stop experiencing lovesick signs, and be in control once more.
1. Ask them out
Wear your heart on your sleeve and ask this person out. What’s the worst that could happen? They could decline you. It’s okay to fail at something. What’s worse is not trying!
2. Try to turn your emotions into hate/dislike
Do you even realize what this person is doing to your life? Your life is spiraling out of control and you’re messing up in every part of your life only because this person is toying with your feelings.
Focus on that clear negative and try and turn your emotions into hate or general dislike insteady.
3. Focus on their flaws
Look for their flaws and try to remember it all the time, be it their facial expressions, their low IQ, or their lack of etiquette. And compare them mentally to other good-looking people you see on the street.
Once you realize that this person isn’t as awesome as you once thought they were, you’ll be able to push them off the pedestal you’ve built for them.
4. Keep your mind occupied
What do you enjoy doing in your free time? Is it shopping? Is it playing games? Indulge in something that excites you and makes you feel good about yourself. Even if you have to really push yourself to make a start, do it.
It might be a gargantuan effort when you’re lovesick, but it’s something you have to do.
5. Force yourself to be sociable
You may have been avoiding your friends for a long time, but it’s time to get out and have fun with them. Party, have fun and realize that you can still have a great life even if this person isn’t in it!
6. Burn your physical memories
Do you have any photos or memorabilia of this person? Burn it, burn all of it. You’ll feel liberated in no time!
While we’d generally tell you to avoid doing anything drastic with memories, lovesickness isn’t a small issue, and your health and sanity come first.
7. Rationalize, but don’t obsess
It’s okay to think of this person now and then. Shutting them off completely may make the addiction worse. But each time you spend a few minutes thinking of this person, avoid drifting away into fantasyland. Reminisce, rationalize and move on within a few minutes
8. Spend time outside
Nature is wonderful and full of beauty. If you think you’re lovesick, spend a while outside in a park or a garden. Stare blankly at the green leaves and the flowers and admire them for their beauty.
Isn’t it frustrating that you’re letting this one person darken your heart when there’s so much beauty in the world? Let Mother Nature soothe your heart.
9. Flirt up a storm with someone else
They say that the easiest way to get over someone is by getting under someone else. If you don’t feel like dating someone just yet, at least try to find someone who catches your fancy and flirt with them. It’ll keep you distracted and help you regain the confidence you’ve lost.
10. Accept that it’ll take time to overcome lovesickness
Wounds don’t heal overnight, and your lovesickness won’t go away too soon either. Accept the fact that it’ll take time, but try to avoid thinking of this person, and avoid all triggers that remind you of this person. It may take a few weeks or a few months, but the memories will fade away soon as long as you focus on having fun in your life
If you’re experiencing these lovesick signs, change your state of mind using these tips. You may believe that lovesickness isn’t such a big deal, but as the months and years pass by you, you’ll only wish you’d tried harder to reclaim your life sooner!