How fast is too fast? Or, too slow? Relationships are confusing! How many dates before a relationship? There is no right or wrong answer!
Dating is different for everyone. Some people find it to be easy. They don’t stress about making things official right away. Others go into date number one questioning whether or not they should be in a serious relationship based on how much they like the person. They might also jump ahead and ask how many dates before a relationship is solid and official.
No matter which category you fall under, you still have to know when it’s been long enough to bring up “the talk.” And by this, we mean the relationship talk. Are you two officially in a relationship or are you still just casually dating? Not knowing this drives a person insane.
Mistakes people make too early in a new fling
There are some mistakes people make that ruin a relationship before they’re even official. Being too eager to hop into a relationship is the main one. They try to bring up “the talk” after only one date and then wonder what went wrong when they no longer text you back.
Many also make the mistake of thinking they’re already in a relationship just because they went on a date or two. Then they get upset when they find out the other person may have been on a date with someone else. So, they confront the person and are bummed when things end.
So much new dating confusion comes from a lack of communication. Yet, there are some things you can’t talk about at the start. In that case, perhaps it’s best to simply go with the flow and see where things end up? That doesn’t mean you should stick around too long when you know they don’t want the same things as you.
Yet, it does mean you should give it a chance to progress before you jump ship.
Don’t be so keen to jump ahead. The dating journey can actually be fun!
So, how many dates before a relationship talk takes place?
Something that could fix all those mistakes? Simply knowing when it’s the right time to make things official. It’s difficult to gauge someone else’s feeling about something like this and guessing incorrectly could destroy your chances of getting with them in the first place.
That being said, people want to know how long is long enough? How many dates do you have to go on before you bring up the prospect of a relationship with someone?
The truth is, there isn’t such a thing as a “magic number.”
We know that’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but it’s the reality. Nobody is the same as anyone else. No two people are going to move at the same pace as someone else.
There are many things to take into consideration when moving from “dating” to “in a relationship.” The best thing to do if you really want to know how long you should wait before bringing up the possibility of an official relationship is to read the other person.
How to know if they want a relationship
Figure out how they’re feeling about you and your relationship beforehand. If you’re unfamiliar with how to do this, here’s how you know they want a relationship or whether they see everything as casual.
1. They make future plans with you
If someone is making long-term plans with you or asking you to go on a date that’s a month down the line, then they see a future with you.
They see themselves with you for that long and aren’t afraid of letting you know. If this is the case, they probably want to be in a relationship with you.
2. They openly talk about being in a relationship
If they refer to relationships in a positive way or talk about how great of a boyfriend/girlfriend they would be, it’s a test. They’re trying to show you they’re ready for a commitment. They’re gauging how interested you are in the same thing.
3. They make it known that they’re exclusive to you
This is a huge sign they’re ready to be in a relationship, but are just waiting on you. If they tell you they’re not seeing anyone else and they don’t want to, then it’s safe to bring up the relationship discussion. They’re most likely just waiting for you.
4. They fish for relationship opinions from you
If they’re asking you how you feel about relationships and what your opinions are about certain aspects of them, it’s because they want to be in a relationship with you.
Again, they’re trying to get as much information from you as possible about how you view relationships and if you’re ready for one.
5. They bring it up first
This is obvious. If they ask if you want to be in a relationship or if they call you their boyfriend or girlfriend, they obviously want to be in a relationship with you.
Now it’s only up to you to decide if you’re ready to jump into one with them. Or maybe you want to wait it out a little longer.
6. They introduce you to the important people in their life
Perhaps they won’t go all out and introduce you to the parents, but they will certainly introduce you to close friends and perhaps, siblings. That’s a sign that they see you as a long-term part of their life and that they’re keen for a relationship with you.
Signs they don’t want a relationship … yet
These are all the signs to look for when the other person isn’t quite ready to make a commitment just yet.
Even if it’s five dates in and they seem to like you a lot, any of these should be red flags to hold back on “the talk.”
Do remember, however, you shouldn’t hang around waiting for someone to change their mind if they make it very clear that a relationship isn’t on the cards.
1. They avoid making long-term plans
If they don’t make plans further than a few days to a week out, they may be keeping you at a distance. They don’t want to confirm plans with you for any longer because they’re not sure they see themselves with you that far out.
2. They talk negatively about past relationships
If they’re always talking about how shitty their previous relationships were, it’s a red flag.
If they had a bad experience in their last relationship, they’re going to be a little more skeptical about getting into a new one. Therefore, they may need more time to date before committing to the real thing.
3. They’re pretty guarded about their personal life
If you don’t know much about their friends or family by date three, it’s a red flag.
If someone holds back a lot of personal information, they don’t see you as someone they want to share it with. AKA, they’re not ready for a relationship yet. When they start opening up to you, it’s safer to bring up “the talk.”
4. You usually initiate the conversation and/or dates
If someone isn’t texting you first or making plans with you as much as you are with them, they’re not serious about you. They don’t crave the attention or even desire to spend time with you.
Therefore, they’re not ready for a relationship despite agreeing to go on dates with you.
5. Whenever the topic of relationships comes up, they change the subject
Another sign they’re not interested in pursuing a relationship just yet is their habit of changing the conversation whenever a discussion about relationships comes up.
It can be about your previous relationships or even just chatting about if you were in a relationship. The bottom line is if they don’t want to talk about it, they don’t want one.
How many dates before a relationship? Just hold off and wait a while
So, are we any closer to knowing that magic number? Not really! Unfortunately, this isn’t a cut and dried subject.
The truth is that everyone is different. You have to be able to read the situation for yourself and judge it accordingly.
If you’re really keen on getting a number, certainly don’t talk about relationships before at least two months have passed. For some, it might be evidently clear before that.
For others, they might be none the wiser after four months!
But, after two months you’re starting to get to know one another and you should have a much clearer idea of what their vibe is with regards to relationships.
Instead of just counting the dates before a relationship becomes official, knowing the proper time to have the talk about making a relationship official helps save you from ruining a good thing before it even happens. Use this guide on dating exclusively but not in a relationship to have a conversation the right way.